May 31

Starting today I will be starting my facebook blogs. I will be posting the most insane and crazy things I find on facebook. Whether it be my facebook or someone else's or even a fan page. Not sure how long I will be doing it but each day I will number. Don't worry I won't use any links or actual names. Just subjects that I have seen come up on facebook.

May 11

May 11th is a very emotional day for me and my family. Its my little brother's birthday who is now in heaven. It also happens to be military spouse appreciation day. Not that I partake for it much but it is. Every year on May 11th I always call my mama and check on her. The day is much more emotional to her then anyone else. He would have been 19 years old. Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if he was not taken from this world so early. I wonder if he would of looked like my father just as my other younger brother does who is still living. I think of so many things like this. I'm not even sure if my other siblings even think the same way that I do either. Which to me is odd since he is very much part of all our lives then they like to think. He was still our brother whether he lived or died as an infant. I also know my mother finds it odd that I even remember him at all since I was so young when he was born and then soon after died. My mother still refuses to talk about him to this day. I remember how so many other's blamed my mother for his death and I think she blamed herself as well. In truth there was nothing she could of done or did that caused what happened. Infants die every year from SIDS or "crib death" as they called it back then. I always encourage my mother to do research on it because I truly feel like it would help her understand more and be at peace with this. Its a tragic thing that happened and my mother still carries around her hurt feelings and its been 19 years. I think maybe its time for her to open her eyes more and educate herself on the truth and let go off the hurt she's been holding inside herself for all these years. I still can't understand why people blamed my mother especially since they didn't live with us and just think they knew what was going on. My mother has taken a lot of blows from people through out her life. Honestly I'm not sure how she's managed to let go of all the hurt from other's and moved on with her life but she can't let go of the hurt from my brother. I guess that hurt may not go away but I think I just see things differently as I see death not as sad as some do. I think maybe we should be embracing what he brought to all our lives and not be sad because he was taken too soon from this world. I know my mother may not ever read this blog nor will most of my family but its nice to just get my feelings out there. I've had them built up inside for a while now. Its time I don't keep them in any longer. For my followers who read my blog. I hope you enjoy all my blogs and learn a little about me or even your own life. 


Learning to let go of hurt is probably the hardest thing anyone will ever have to face in their life. So if anyone has truly let go knows the peace you get within. Embrace it and don't push it aside. After all not all of us have that peace and may never learn a way to find it. 

Negative Nancy Gone

With being so used to always being around family or friends moving to another country where I didn't know a single person (other then my husband and daughters) is really hard for me to adjust. But I've actually noticed a very positive change in our life as well. Not that I enjoy feeling totally isolated in some ways but having more family time for us and not having the worry of other's in our direct relationship has been making improvements. I miss my family and friends back in the states it really bothers me. Even enough to make me feel depressed sometimes. I think this time has made my family grow so much closer in a lot of ways and my marriage feels more stronger. I'm enjoying watching all this love grow so strong and never take it all for granted. 


I feel like with being here I miss out on so much of people's lives that I cherish. I miss out on important things in other's lives. I've even felt total helpless a few times when bad things has happened to someone I care about back in the states but its not easy to just hop on a plane and go be there either. I have my own family here to think of first. But its still hard. I even missed out on saying goodbye to some good friends who are now deployed to Afghanistan. 


I think this is the main reason why I haven't really blogged in a while. I'm not really sure of what to say anymore. Adjusting to life here is harder for me then I thought. So many people keep saying all I need to do is just get out and make friends. Those people also never been in my shoes before either and have never been here to deal with the type of people that I have encountered. I've tried to make friends. I've planted the seed for friendship to a number of people and got zero results. So I gave up on being the only one to try and make an effort. After all no one likes to be the only one doing anything in any kind of relationship. That's how I have been used as a doormat so many times. This is just me breaking that habit. 


Without the love and endless support from my husband I'm not sure how this time here would of been even bearable. He has always been there for me through everything challenging in my life since I was 16. I love the teenager I fell in love with that soon grew to be a man. He is truly amazing. I also wouldn't have enjoyed my time here either if it wasn't for my amazing daughters too. I know their still very young and don't understand a lot of things but they mean the world to me and actually help me get through each day with a true smile on my face. I am happy to call myself their mother. They definitely keep my life amazing.


I miss a lot of things from the states not just people but I think in a way this is where I was suppose to end up at this point in my life. I might not understand why right now but it feels right in the back of my mind. I know that probably doesn't make sense but its not suppose to. 


I can go on and on about what I miss the most from the states but today I decided I'm gonna change my way of thinking and make the best of what's right in front of me. 


So this is me saying goodbye to the "negative nancy" inside of me. I'm gonna try and always think of the more positive things. Not that I didn't before but I'm just gonna embrace it a lot more. 

Beliefs...Not Meant to be a Debate EVER

I am happy to say that I have grown a lot over the past 5 years. I would like to think I have actually grown up more and I think I have.

Today's topic is about beliefs, religious and not.

I know that not everyone in the world has the very exact religious views. I am mormon and so is my husband. Truth is even with us both being of the same religion we still have different views in some ways. Doesn't change a single thing between us. I don't have many friends that are mormon. But that's totally fine. I have all kinds of friends that come from different religious backgrounds. I have a few friends that are atheist too. Still doesn't change our friendship one bit. I think the main reason why I am able to be friends with people who come from a different religious background is because I respect them as a person and yes even their religion. I might not agree with their religion but its what they believe. All of my friends feel the same way about me and my relgious beliefs too. I think people forget that this is a very important part of life. If you value your beliefs as much as you say you do then you should also know that respecting others is very important as well.

Being more diverse helps us to learn and grow better in life. I feel that being able to meet people of all kinds of religions and cultural beliefs has opened my eyes to a whole different world I didn't know existed. I use to be very close minded. I used to think that my views used to be how it was suppose to be everywhere and those who aren't just like me were considered an outsider. Well I am ashamed to this day to think I actually thought that. I now know I was terribly wrong in so many ways. I used to think that people who weren't American and came to the US and didn't know english or want to try and learn it were just ignorant. I was wrong about that too. I will never look down on someone for their religious belifs or their culture ever again. I know not everyone will even agree with me on this blog completely or understand how I am able to be so diverse. Its more possible then people think it is.

I am by far not a perfect person in any way. I still sometimes struggle to fully be accepting of others. I do feel like not everyone in this world is of good. There still is poeple out there that seem to be following in the wrong things. Not wrong in just my eyes but wrong in the eyes of God and so many others. Good example of this would Kony or Hitler. I will never accept people who do such bad things to such innocent people. And it has nothing to do with their cultural or religious beliefs or it could in some ways. But its mostly about their actions then beliefs so to say. None of us were born bad. We all once were innocent babies. True innocence, only found in children. But those children have to be taught right from wrong.

So the moral of this blog is just to not be so judgemental. You never know you might actually find a fantastic friendship/relationship with someone who you would least expect cuz of their cultural or relgious beliefs. Just don't be afraid to step outside your comfort zone and just be diverse.

May 8, 2012

I created my blog just today. Please be patient as I'm trying to customize it and make it my own. I hope everyone enjoys reading my blog as I continue to add more blogs. Its really late here so I'm off to bed. I will post a new blog everyday. Or at least try to.