May 11

May 11th is a very emotional day for me and my family. Its my little brother's birthday who is now in heaven. It also happens to be military spouse appreciation day. Not that I partake for it much but it is. Every year on May 11th I always call my mama and check on her. The day is much more emotional to her then anyone else. He would have been 19 years old. Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if he was not taken from this world so early. I wonder if he would of looked like my father just as my other younger brother does who is still living. I think of so many things like this. I'm not even sure if my other siblings even think the same way that I do either. Which to me is odd since he is very much part of all our lives then they like to think. He was still our brother whether he lived or died as an infant. I also know my mother finds it odd that I even remember him at all since I was so young when he was born and then soon after died. My mother still refuses to talk about him to this day. I remember how so many other's blamed my mother for his death and I think she blamed herself as well. In truth there was nothing she could of done or did that caused what happened. Infants die every year from SIDS or "crib death" as they called it back then. I always encourage my mother to do research on it because I truly feel like it would help her understand more and be at peace with this. Its a tragic thing that happened and my mother still carries around her hurt feelings and its been 19 years. I think maybe its time for her to open her eyes more and educate herself on the truth and let go off the hurt she's been holding inside herself for all these years. I still can't understand why people blamed my mother especially since they didn't live with us and just think they knew what was going on. My mother has taken a lot of blows from people through out her life. Honestly I'm not sure how she's managed to let go of all the hurt from other's and moved on with her life but she can't let go of the hurt from my brother. I guess that hurt may not go away but I think I just see things differently as I see death not as sad as some do. I think maybe we should be embracing what he brought to all our lives and not be sad because he was taken too soon from this world. I know my mother may not ever read this blog nor will most of my family but its nice to just get my feelings out there. I've had them built up inside for a while now. Its time I don't keep them in any longer. For my followers who read my blog. I hope you enjoy all my blogs and learn a little about me or even your own life. 


Learning to let go of hurt is probably the hardest thing anyone will ever have to face in their life. So if anyone has truly let go knows the peace you get within. Embrace it and don't push it aside. After all not all of us have that peace and may never learn a way to find it.