With being so used to always being around family or friends moving to another country where I didn't know a single person (other then my husband and daughters) is really hard for me to adjust. But I've actually noticed a very positive change in our life as well. Not that I enjoy feeling totally isolated in some ways but having more family time for us and not having the worry of other's in our direct relationship has been making improvements. I miss my family and friends back in the states it really bothers me. Even enough to make me feel depressed sometimes. I think this time has made my family grow so much closer in a lot of ways and my marriage feels more stronger. I'm enjoying watching all this love grow so strong and never take it all for granted.
I feel like with being here I miss out on so much of people's lives that I cherish. I miss out on important things in other's lives. I've even felt total helpless a few times when bad things has happened to someone I care about back in the states but its not easy to just hop on a plane and go be there either. I have my own family here to think of first. But its still hard. I even missed out on saying goodbye to some good friends who are now deployed to Afghanistan.
I think this is the main reason why I haven't really blogged in a while. I'm not really sure of what to say anymore. Adjusting to life here is harder for me then I thought. So many people keep saying all I need to do is just get out and make friends. Those people also never been in my shoes before either and have never been here to deal with the type of people that I have encountered. I've tried to make friends. I've planted the seed for friendship to a number of people and got zero results. So I gave up on being the only one to try and make an effort. After all no one likes to be the only one doing anything in any kind of relationship. That's how I have been used as a doormat so many times. This is just me breaking that habit.
Without the love and endless support from my husband I'm not sure how this time here would of been even bearable. He has always been there for me through everything challenging in my life since I was 16. I love the teenager I fell in love with that soon grew to be a man. He is truly amazing. I also wouldn't have enjoyed my time here either if it wasn't for my amazing daughters too. I know their still very young and don't understand a lot of things but they mean the world to me and actually help me get through each day with a true smile on my face. I am happy to call myself their mother. They definitely keep my life amazing.
I miss a lot of things from the states not just people but I think in a way this is where I was suppose to end up at this point in my life. I might not understand why right now but it feels right in the back of my mind. I know that probably doesn't make sense but its not suppose to.
I can go on and on about what I miss the most from the states but today I decided I'm gonna change my way of thinking and make the best of what's right in front of me.
So this is me saying goodbye to the "negative nancy" inside of me. I'm gonna try and always think of the more positive things. Not that I didn't before but I'm just gonna embrace it a lot more.
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